Have you ever woken up in a great mood ready for a productive day, but as soon as you sat down to work you felt stressed, unmotivated and exhausted? This could be the result of a daunting to-do list or hundreds of unanswered emails – or your home office’s Feng Shui might be out of whack!

We’ve all heard of Feng Shui – the ancient Chinese practice of making energetic and physical adjustments to a space to create balance and flow – but have you ever considered how it might help boost your productivity and success?

“Feng Shui isn’t just a decorating fad; it’s an age old system for energizing those parts of your life tat are in the doldrums,” says Ingrid Hauck author of Feng Shui with Attitude: Jump-Start your Joy! It’s all about the Chi (or Qi) – that life energy considered by Chinese philosophy to be inherent in all things. Chi flow is achieved only when everything is balanced.

“Begin with the placement of your desk,” says Hauck. “If you’re facing a wall or a window, then that’s how you’ll experience productivity – either you’ll be constantly hitting a wall or your productivity will fly right out the window.”

Tip 1: Position your desk so you’re looking into your office with a full view of your space. This will put you in command of your work.

Also, ensure there’s nothing creating a physical barrier above you, like a bulkhead or hanging shelf, which could be responsible for limiting your thinking. “When there’s nothing hanging above you, the sky’s the limit,” says Hauck.

Next, attack the clutter! Because as Hauck says, “clutter is the number one enemy of productivity!” That means if your office is doubling as a playroom, you might want to create a space that’s just for you – kicking your kids and their toys to the curb. “No matter how big or small your space, if there’s too much stuff in it, you can’t be at the top of your game.”

Tip 2: Ensure your furnishings fit the size of your room, and only have in your office what you absolutely need for the work at hand (not what you imagine might come in handy someday).

Now, consider balance! According to the principles of Feng Shui, all rooms should include the ‘five elements’: wood (furnishings, plants, etc.), fire (an adequate amount of general, ambient and task lighting), earth (earthy, neutral colours and ceramic/clay objects), metal (silver, gold, brass and copper), and water (fountains, flowers in water, an aquarium, or images of water painted with water colours). For optimal balance, try to incorporate at least one item representing each of the five elements into your office.

“You also want to pay attention to balancing Yin (feminine energies) and Yang (masculine energies),” says Hauck. Yin is soft and flowing and can include fabrics, carpets, flowers and flowing patterns. Yang is hard and includes marble, wood or ceramic surfaces, striped or plaid patterns, and tall ceilings or plants. “You neither want to feel like you’re on a factory shop floor nor in your grandmother’s parlor.”

Tip 3: To ‘wake up’ the energy in your home office fix anything that’s broken, apply a fresh coat of paint, replace any worn furnishings and accessorize with art and images that inspire you!

Want to learn more? Check out Ingrid’s website: www.room4success.ca

First published on YummyMummyClub.ca

As if campfire singsongs and learning to paddle a canoe isn’t enough reason to send your child to camp this summer, the experts are also weighing in on the developmental and social benefits of a camp experience.

Social capital

Building a lifelong network

You have only to search a camp’s name on Facebook, a popular social networking website, to understand the strength of the summer camp network. Connections made often last long after the final song has been sung and the last boat has been covered for winter. Studies suggest that camp friendships are likely to accompany your child for years to come.

“It is being called social capital,” Simon Adams, past chair of the Canadian Camping Association (CCA) and chief executive officer of the Family YMCA in Prince George, British Columbia, explains of a study held in partnership with the CCA and the University of Waterloo. “The camp experience builds relationships that are as valuable to children as those formed in a fraternity setting.”

This means that the camp experience can lead to a lifelong network of friends and colleagues who may later be able to help obtaining job interviews, securing employment and developing a career path.

“This bond you share with fellow campers means that you can call upon them in later life and know that they’ll remember you and your shared experience,” says Adams.

According to Adams, this advantage takes on an added dimension in the context of immigrant communities and new Canadians who may not otherwise have many established connections.

“With camp bursaries and sponsorship programs, it is possible for kids to develop relationships as strong as those formed in private schools, which will ultimately help them be successful far into adult life.”

From classrooms to cabins

Learning all summer long

If you tell your little camp enthusiast that summer camp provides excellent learning opportunities, she might not believe you. How can something so fun involve learning? But the truth is, it does! At camp, learning is often disguised in the form of outdoor activities, social interaction and free play.

“Camp has immeasurable benefits for kids as far as education is concerned,” says George Briggs, executive director of the Conference of Independent Schools of Ontario. “They teach a lot in what I would call the informal curriculum.” This includes self-confidence, co-operation, teamwork, and initiative.

According to Briggs, camps push children to test their own limits in a safe environment, allowing them to develop the independence necessary to become successful learners.

While these opportunities for learning and growth may go unnoticed by the children, they are being recognized more and more by parents and educators.

“Kids mature and grow so much over the summer and some of that can certainly be attributed to the camp experience,” says Briggs.

Just for the fun of it

The value of play

Though the days of allowing a child to run around outside with only his imagination for company may be a thing of a past, more research is pointing to the inherent value of free play to a child’s development. While many of us continue to fill our children’s time with structured activities and lessons, a slower parenting movement is beginning to take shape with a push for more balance.

According to a study published by the Canadian Council on Learning, play nourishes every aspect of a child’s development and forms the foundation of intellectual, social, physical and emotional skills, all of which contribute to success in school and life. “It is recommended that children have between 30 and 60 minutes a day of unstructured free play,” explains Tracy Lavin, a psychologist and principal researcher with the council, who suggests that parents choose a camp that is able to balance unstructured free time with organized activities and programming.

Unplugged

Limiting screen time

Does your teen rush to the computer to catch up with friends? Would your preschooler rather watch cartoons than play outside? We often don’t realize how much screen time our children are exposed to, says Michelle Brownrigg, chief executive officer of Active Healthy Kids Canada.

“Research shows that kids self-report spending five to six hours per weekday and eight hours per weekend day in front of a screen of some sort,” Brownrigg notes.

This is one reason that day and overnight camps (aka sleepaway camps) are so great, she explains. Camp breaks up the usual routine that many kids fall into at home, which often involves the computer and television.

“Kids don’t usually sit down and consciously decide to spend eight hours in front of the computer,” she says. “They just zone out and next thing you know the time has passed.”

While screen time can be positive in moderation, summer camps offer an opportunity to unplug from technology and focus on active play.

“It is important to teach kids that they can trade some of that screen time for other activities that are equally enjoyable, be it physical exercise or reading,” says Brownrigg.

Most camps offer an environment free of cellphones and laptops and encourage kids to form social networks, rather than virtual ones. “Camp gives you the opportunity to learn silly songs and games you might never learn otherwise,” says Brownrigg. “And these are the things that stay with you for the rest of your life!”

The great outdoors

A cure for Nature-Deficit Disorder

In Last Child in the Woods: Saving our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder, author Richard Louv stresses the importance of nature and the negative implications of a changing society.

“The polarity of the nature/child relationship has reversed. Today, kids are aware of the big-picture global threats to the environment, but their physical contact, their intimacy with nature, is fading,” he says.

“A child today can likely tell you about the Amazon rain forest but will just as likely be hardpressed to describe the last time he or she explored the woods in solitude, or lay in a field and listened to the wind and watched the clouds move.”

Enter summer camp. From canoe trips and nature hikes to playing capture the flag, camp offers many hours spent in the sort of safe spaces our cities seem to have swallowed up. According to Louv, “Given the growing nature deficit, I believe that offering children direct contact with nature—getting their feet wet and hands muddy—should be at the top of the list of vital camp experiences, stimulating a renewed shared purpose. It’s time for a nature camp revival.”

First published in Our Kids Go to Camp Magazine.

You may no longer be afraid of ghost stories or of sleeping on the top bunk but you, like your child, probably still have fears about camp. Rest assured, you’re not alone. While sending your child to camp for the first or eighth time can be emotional—most often, your fears are for naught.

“A parent should evaluate how much his or her own personal anxieties are interfering with the child’s opportunity to engage in a positive camp experience,” suggests parenting expert Sara Dimerman, author of Am I a Normal Parent? Her advice: Evaluate what you’re most afraid of, then seek answers to help put your mind at ease.

We asked five camp directors about the most common parental fears and how to address them.

I’m afraid that my child will not be safe at camp.

It’s not uncommon to want to know who will be responsible for your child’s health and well-being. But safety is something camp directors take very seriously.

This means that the camp experience can lead to a lifelong network of friends and colleagues who may later be able to help obtaining job interviews, securing employment and developing a career path.

“We often get calls from parents who say ‘My child just adores horses and wants to come to camp and ride . . . but I’m really nervous because I don’t know anything about it’,” explains Janet Fine, co-director of The Hollows, a traditional overnight camp with an equestrian focus. “My advice to all parents is the same: If you don’t know something, inform yourself so that you feel comfortable.”

At The Hollows, safety means employing competent and highly trained staff.

“I say to my instructors, ‘You can see an accident coming and you can prevent it’,” says Fine, who has operated her camp for 27 years without any serious accidents.

She encourages parents and children to visit the camp before enrolling.

As a new Canadian, no one in my family has ever been to camp. And I’m afraid my child will have trouble communicating with the other kids.

There are many camps that happily cater to the needs of new Canadians and children who are learning English as their second language. Activity-based camps not only break language barriers but can help boost your child’s self-esteem.

“Theatre arts is a universal language,” explains Lily Small, director of Great Big Theatre Company, which offers camps in 35 locations around Ontario. For the Great Big Theatre Company, hiring multicultural staff members who speak a variety of languages is just one way to help new campers feel more comfortable. “Our camp allows children to develop their movement and visual skills as well as verbal skills,” says Small. “We offer a safe and non-judgmental environment, where a child can come out of his or her shell and foster a sense of self-confidence.”

I’m having trouble letting go.

Some parents have a difficult time placing the responsibility for their child in the hands of someone else. But for Tim Van Dam, the director of PaddleFoot, the solution is to equip parents with as much information as possible.

“Many parents want daily updates, which just isn’t possible for us,” says Van Dam, whose outdoor adventure program offers canoe trips spanning one week to 46 days. Instead of promising a daily update, Van Dam is upfront, showing parents maps of the trip route and information about the qualifications and experience of the guides leading their child’s trip. “This helps replace control with knowledge,” he says.

Once parents feel comfortable and confident, they are more likely to pass those feelings on to their child. “The most weary parents often become our strongest promoters,” says Van Dam. “Children who are granted independence during the summer return home with an improved sense of confidence and the ability to make good decisions for themselves throughout the school year.”

I’m afraid I won’t have any communication with my child or the camp.

In the digital age it’s sometimes hard to believe that a break from instant communication via cell phones and the Internet is a good thing—but the majority of traditional camp directors agree that it is. “While we encourage concerned parents to call the camp and even welcome them to speak with their child’s councilor directly, we do not put kids on the phone during camp,” explains Beth Alison, Executive Director of Cairn Presbyterian camps. “It is important for a child to get into the community spirit of camp and that means unplugging from cell phones, video games, iPods and other things connected to home-life.”

My child has special needs and I’m concerned he won’t fit in.

With a growing number of camp programs designed with special needs in mind, parents no longer need to worry. At places such as Camp Awakening—which offers girls’ programming out of Camp Oconto, near Tichborne, Ontario, and boys’ programming out of Kilcoo Camp, ner Minden, Ontario—children with physical disabilities are able to integrate within a traditional camp environment while being provided with the care they need to feel safe and comfortable. “We have a real plan in place for servicing each individual child’s needs so that he or she feels capable and included in all camp activities,” says Paul Chamberlain, Awakening’s interim executive director. “Often these kids go home at the end of the summer with a sense of ‘I did it’ that they’ve never experienced before.”

What would your children miss out on by not going to summer camp?

• Freedom. Camp provides a safe environment where kids can establish their independence and get a taste of what it’s like to do things on their own.
• Friendship. Camp gives kids the opportunity to make new friends they wouldn’t otherwise meet. These camp friendships tend to last long into adulthood.
• Nature. Camp allows children to take a break from Facebook and text messaging. It encourages them to interact with nature and play outdoors.
• Variety. Camp offers a holistic approach; giving your child an opportunity to develop life skills, try new things and experience physical activity and play.
• Future opportunities. While at camp, kids learn how to get along with people from all walks of life and how to handle themselves in a variety of different situations. They also get an opportunity to test their leadership abilities—which helps prepare them for the future.

Article first published in Our Kids Go to Camp Magazine

Give your home the clean sweep the environmentally friendly way

Spring cleaning can be a purifying and therapeutic experience. But, how often do you associate a sparkling clean home with toxic pollution and landfill waste? Research now shows that many common cleaning solutions can be harmful to the earth as well as to your health. To help give your home a “green clean” this spring, we’ve compiled a checklist of easy eco-solutions for your everyday cleaning needs. Not only will your house shine, but Mother Nature will thank you, too!

Swap chemicals with products found in your pantry  
“Getting rid of all toxic cleaning products is the easiest way to get started,” says Lauren Mangion, founder of Conscious Home, a Calgary-based eco-coaching service. “There are affordable, natural alternatives for everything.” Begin by taking a look inside your pantry. Vinegar is 99% as effective as a disinfectant and has amazing cleaning properties when mixed with warm water. It can take the place of an all-purpose cleaner and does a fabulous job on floors. Mix baking soda with water to create a non-toxic paste, which can be used for cleaning kitchens, removing stains in the bathroom and even polishing silverware. Lemon juice is another common cleaning ingredient. It’s a good grease-cutter and had a nice, refreshing scent.

Mix your own cleaning solutions
To cut down on packaging and reduce waste, Lauren buys natural products in bulk and creates her own recipes for cleaning products. Her homemade laundry detergent works like a charm and will allow you to breathe easier in your freshly washed clothing. “Replace chlorine bleach with natural oxygen bleach,” she says. “It works just as well, but is biodegradable and non-toxic.”

Laundry detergent:
1/2 cup washing soda
1/2 cup Borax
1/2 liquid castile soap

Directions:
Shake well or mix in a food processor to prevent clumps. Use 1/2 tablespoon per load.

Add 20 to 25 drops of eucalyptus oil to each load to eliminate dust mites.

Choose packaged products carefully

Shopping for green products can be overwhelming, especially with so many brands vying for our attention. Your best bet is to look for all-natural ingredients, clearly listed on the label and keep an eye out for the EcoLogo certification, which indicates environmentally preferable products.

Eco Mist Solutions (available at Home Depot) was developed in Woodbridge, ONT., and offers nine, unscented cleaning sprays made from all-natural, plant-based ingredients. They work wonders in all rooms of the house and are gentle on the skin.

Small Planet cleaning products, created by Calgary-based Jennifer Vanderland, are made from essential oils such as clove, tea tree and lemongrass, which combine powerful disinfectant properties with pleasurable scents. “I would never use anything toxic in the tub where I bathe my kids,” says this mother of two who has been in business for about six years.  “I feel much better knowing that there are no poisonous chemicals under my sink and no toxic fumes lingering in our air.”

Reuse, reuse, reuse!
After a day of intense cleaning, it’s not uncommon to be left with overflowing bags of garbage. To reduce the waste produced during the cleaning process, simply avoid using disposable supplies. Lauren suggests using reusable rags, which can be made easily by ripping up old clothing or using old towels of face- or dishcloths. Also, for a greener clean, replace paper towels with microfiber cloths, which can be used for dusting, scrubbing and cleaning glass. Unlike paper towels, these machine-washable cloths are lint-free and highly absorbent.

“We also use newspapers along with a vinegar-and-water solution to wash windows and mirrors,” says Emmanuel Rey, founder of EnviroMaid, a Toronto-based cleaning service provider. “That’s an effective way to reuse something that will enter the recycling system anyway and they work really well.”

If backup is needed, call in the troops
If you don’t have time for a do-it-yourself spring cleaning project, there are plenty of environmentally friendly professional cleaning services across the country, which pride themselves on their eco-conscious approach. For Emmanuel, running an eco cleaning service means using natural, locally sourced products, offering recycling solutions to clients (they’ll pick up old batteries and broken bulbs) and paying staff fair wages. “Our staff take public transit or ride their bikes to the job,” says Emmanuel. “We train them on how to be environmentally aware and they pass those suggestions on to our clients.”

In the Vancouver area, Green Maids Canada offers a full range of home-cleaning services, including a green approach to carpet cleaning. Their eco-safe method uses a natural line of manufactured products combined with baking soda for spot treatments and leaves carpets smelling fresh without any traces of lingering chemicals.

First published in Style At Home

If you want to run a successful LinkedIn Group, think about the last good party you hosted. First, choose the venue and invite the guests. Make sure invitees are social and will interact well. Then, to fill out the group, ask your guests to invite their friends. Last, serve up some appetizers and drinks and work the room to ensure everyone’s having a good time.

That real-world scenario translates directly to the online world, according to Sourov De, managing partner at Stryve Group, a marketing services firm in Kitchener, Ont., and owner of the LinkedIn group Social Media Marketing Canada. “To run an effective group you should behave like a host. The key is to pay attention to your members, give them something of value and encourage them to get involved in the conversation.”
A LinkedIn Group can help companies position themselves as experts, build networks of like-minded individuals and engage in meaningful conversations, and develop business opportunities. If that sounds useful, here are five steps to get you going.

1 Choose the venue: research existing groups

“People like to try to reinvent the wheel, but there’s something to be said for finding a group that’s working well, and asking yourself, ‘How can I emulate this?’” De said. Before building your group, determine what’s out there, what’s working and what’s not.

De’s intention was to create a forum to post answers to the hundreds of social media questions his company receives. “We were receiving daily e-mails from potential clients looking for information on how to utilize social media. And, while we were happy to provide this information, responding to all those e-mails was time consuming.”

De turned to LinkedIn Groups, a public space where he could offer resources and information while generating conversations amongst social media experts. “Our research turned up the group Social Media Marketing, with an international focus and more than 12,000 members,” De said. Focusing on the Canadian niche, De built Social Media Marketing Canada in January 2011. It started with 150 invited members and has grown to more than 850 in 10 months.

2 Plan the party: build a brand and position for success

The next step is to devise a plan, said Danielle Restivo, manager of corporate communications with LinkedIn Canada. First ask, “Do I have something of value to offer this industry or my networks?” If the answer is yes, you’re ready to establish objectives. The key to a successful group is a dedicated manager or team who will put in the time necessary to start discussions, respond to posts, moderate content and accept new members (if you opt for a members-only group).

The group manager should consider the following questions: Who is our audience? Who will benefit from our content? Will the group be members-only or open (discussions are visible to anyone on the Web and any LinkedIn member can join)? Will we focus on promoting our business and communicating directly with customers, or on fostering discussion and sharing ideas? Will we post job opportunities? Will we use the LinkedIn Polls function, which allows us to create a poll and then analyze the results?

Next, consider branding and key messaging. “You’ll want a strong group name and description that will be easily searchable, especially if you’re looking to grow a group organically,” Restivo said. Clearly state the focus of your group, its mandate and what’s expected of members (i.e. no shameless self-promotion).

3 Invite the guests: send invitations to join

The method you use to invite members will vary with the type of group you create. For Chris Herbert, who formed the LinkedIn group Silicon Halton in 2009, the objective was to build a community of technology professionals and entrepreneurs living in Ontario’s Halton region. The group would establish a community, generate conversation and support real-world networking events. The first event was held at the same time the group was formed, and all attendees were invited to join.

“Today, we use our group to promote events, share content prior to an event and then continue the discussion and networking online,” Herbert said. Membership for Silicon Halton is currently at 570, and new members are required to fill out a Google Docs questionnaire created by Herbert. “If you want to know more about your members, this is the best time to gather information,” he said. “We verify that each member lives or works in the region and has something of value to contribute to the group.”

While the group was not started to promote Herbert’s marketing agency Mi6, in establishing himself as an active and valuable member of the business community, he has generated excellent connections and earned new clients.

4 Break the ice: start conversations, engage members

“If you’re using social media to blatantly advertise your company, people are going to ignore you,” said Jeff Nugent, president of Contingent Workforce Solutions, a contract workforce management company with locations across Canada and in the U.K. Nugent experienced this first-hand after creating the group Contingent Workforce Solutions about three years ago. While the group served its purpose and has since morphed into a LinkedIn Company Page, the real success came when he created his second group, Contingent Workforce Strategies, and invited global thought leaders to join him in interesting conversations in a coffee shop-type atmosphere. “I approached all the major vendors in our industry and all the major research firms and analysts who cover our industry,” he said. “Soon the power of peer pressure started to work and people realized that if they weren’t part of this group they were going to miss something.”

The greatest challenge Nugent faced was building momentum and getting members to participate in discussions. “I did everything from hunting members down via phone for an introductory conversation to asking permission to repost their content within the group. I spent late nights developing and posting thought provoking and sometimes controversial content that essentially dared them not to respond.”

Through all of this hard work, Nugent said he was essentially “killing two birds with one stone” because most of the people he reached out to were individuals he wanted to build a relationships with anyway, as potential clients or strategic partners. Today, the group has more than 2,000 members and Nugent still posts content daily. “You’ve got to keep your community engaged or they’ll leave,” he said. And no one wants to host a party that ends early.

5 Work the room: participate, moderate, recognize members

“Once a group builds momentum, the group manager’s job becomes moderator,” Restivo said. The goal of most groups is to have members posting their own content, starting and engaging in conversations and moderating postings to ensure they’re on-topic and not cluttered with spam. But the moderator must stay active at all times to ensure everything runs smoothly.

For De, the moderator’s role took him offline. “I made an effort to build in-person relationships with the most active members of the group—taking them for coffee or lunch to exchange ideas and extend the relationship,” he said. Whether you’re meeting in person, sending follow up e-mails or recognizing content by naming it a “Manager’s Choice” topic, it’s important to give credit to those contributing to the group’s success.

The challenge most groups face is getting members to contribute content and start conversations. “Ninety-five per cent of our members sign up, read content but don’t post anything; five per cent do all the posting and commenting,” De said. “Moving forward, our mission is to shift those numbers so at least 20 per cent are engaged in the group; we’re currently putting a plan in place to make this happen.”

The key to success is to stay active, post often, look forward and continuously ask, “How is this group adding value to its member community?”

SIDEBAR

Definition
Groups: According to LinkedIn, “Groups provide a place for professionals in the same industry or with similar interests to share content, find answers, post and view jobs, make business contacts and establish themselves as industry experts.”

Making Company Pages work for you

Groups are most successful when used to build networks and engage in conversation, while LinkedIn Company Pages are where the advertising and self-promotion belongs. Launched in October 2011, Company Pages allow companies to update their status, a Facebook-like approach to social media.

“Companies should be using their pages as a far more aggressive tool to create and build reputation among their networks,” said Boyd Neil, national practice leader, Social Media and Digital Communications with Hill & Knowlton. According to Boyd, Company Page status updates should be used to:

> announce corporate news and events
> post information about products and services
> share multimedia content, press releases, media coverage, etc.
> list job postings
> announce changes within the organization.

First published in Backbone Magazine.

When Ekin’s family moved from Kleinberg to Brampton, Ontario prior to her starting Grade 6, she and her parents underwent an extensive school search. They researched public and private schools, hoping to find an environment that would not only accommodate Ekin as a learner, but also make her feel happy and welcome. They asked neighbours for recommendations, researched schools online and then visited each one in person. “My parents took me to all the schools with them so that I could see how the classes were run and try to picture myself there,” recalls Ekin who is currently in Grade 8.

“I wanted a school that had nice teachers that wouldn’t yell at you if you got something wrong, and instead would explain what you could have done to get it right,” she says. “I like knowing where my marks go.” Ekin was coming from a Montessori school in Kleinberg and was looking for a similar learning environment. As a self-proclaimed visual learner she says: “I wanted a mix of text book and hands-on learning; I like to see pictures and have things laid out for me.”

When she visited Rowntree Montessori School in Brampton she was impressed with what she saw. “When I came here I thought: ‘Oh, they have lockers and everything,’” she recalls. “The teachers seemed really nice and I liked that they had so many clubs and sports teams if you stayed late after school or arrived early.”

According to experts, when parents include their child in the school search—as Ekin’s did—they are more likely to find a school that “feels” right; however, equipped with an understanding of the child’s learning needs and social behaviours, they will be more likely to find the perfect fit.

Read more:

• Understanding your child’s learning needs: meeting needs with the right fit
• Choosing the best school for your child: when to change schools, ensuring your child’s happiness
• The importance of the classroom: ensuring your child is in the best learning environment

Article first published in Our Kids Go to School Magazine

This unrealistic longing for perfection is forcing us to trade in our own desires for the demands of our kids. We swap stilettos for sweatpants and dinner parties for play dates in order to live up to the Angelina Jolies of the world. She seems to have it together, so what the hell is wrong with me? To help moms cope with these feelings of incompetence, Schafer has penned three books, including her bestseller Breaking The Good Mom Myth: Every Modern Mom’s Guide to Getting Past Perfection, Regaining Sanity, and Raising Great Kids and her newly released parenting manual, Ain’t Misbehavin’. We caught up with Schafer for her take on how to kick the guilt habit.

So, what’s wrong with a mom giving up self-care to do for her kids?

You would never ask an operating room doctor to work 24/7 without time-off to refuel. Just like doctors and nurses and teachers, mothers need to take time for themselves or else they become ineffective as parents and they shut down. And we’re so strongly connected to our kids that our exhaustion and unhappiness becomes contagious. Studies have shown that infants develop a form of depression when moms get depressed postpartum. Kids are much better off when they have well-rested parents and they learn from our actions to be self-respecting human beings.

So what can we do?

For starters, I strongly believe in education. Before having a baby most moms-to-be take a prenatal class of some sort. But when we sign up for a parenting class, others assume there must be something wrong with our parenting. I have people in my parenting boot camp workshops saying, ‘My friends want to know why I’m taking this class – they think I’m a great mom.’ Sadly, there is still a stigma associated with parenting classes. Somehow we’re all just expected to know how to be good parents without any training. That’s not reality. The best thing you’ll get from a class or a mother’s group is the sense that you’re not alone in how you’re feeling –it will normalize the whole experience of motherhood for you.

So, if I take a class I can become a perfect mother?

What a disservice you’d be doing to your kids if you were a perfect mom. What child would want to come from a perfect mother? When she grows up to become a mother herself, the only way for her to go will be downhill. There is no way she can live up to your standards and so you’ll just be setting her up for failure. Besides, perfection is a constructed ideal – we’re all just humble humans trying to get by.

What does self-care actually mean?

For some reason, everyone always thinks self-care has to be exercise or yoga – which is certainly not everyone’s formula. So we start feeling guilty about that too. Not only am I a terrible mother but now I’m also not exercising or meditating or doing Pilates.  I’m failing at self-care, too! Instead, you must find your own version of self-care. There is something that each one of us does that we could do indefinitely and always feel good. This may be cooking, gardening, sun bathing, reading or shopping. You know you’ve found this ‘thing’ when you’re doing it and you blink and suddenly three hours have passed. You’re getting energy, not expending it. It shouldn’t feel like hard work. For me, it’s going to a matinee movie with a big tub of popcorn. That has nothing to do with flax seed oil or hot yoga.

But how will this help me as a mom?

What I’ve found is self-care helps lengthen a mom’s fuse. So, the next time your toddler refuses to get dressed in the morning, you won’t immediately lose it because you’re exhausted and over-worked and sick of parenting, instead you’ll have more patience to deal with the situation and diffuse a potential meltdown. You’ll have fewer incidents of losing it that you won’t have to feel guilty about later.

What’s wrong with guilt?

Guilt can be thought of as the good intentions we don’t intend to keep. By feeling guilty we allow ourselves to maintain our superior ‘good mother’ status without having to actually change our behaviour. No matter if you clean your house or don’t clean your house, get rid of the guilt. If you have no time, then that’s a legitimate reason not to clean; but if you think being busy is not an excuse to have a messy house, then clean the house! Either way, you don’t have to feel guilty. Guilt is a psychological game we play to keep our ego in tact. But, it’s not actually doing us any good.

First published in Mommyish.com

According to a tracking study conducted by Inspiring Moms, a Kansas City-based company that offers professional development to moms online and in person, almost two-thirds of  women don’t feel like they are thriving in motherhood. The study looked at online responses provided by more than 1,000 moms (stay-at-home, part-time employed and full-time employed) and found that 63% don’t feel in control as a mom, 62% don’t think they’re doing a great job as mom and 50% aren’t confident in their skills as mom.

What do these numbers mean? Are we all being way too hard on ourselves or are we actually unprepared and unsupported in our role as mom? According to Amy Hilbrich Davis, the brainchild behind Inspiring Moms and a mother of seven (ages six to 18), it’s the latter. “Had we polled our moms and our mom’s moms, the results would likely have been the same” – it’s just that no one bothered to ask them.

So, now that you know the majority of women are as miserable as you are, don’t you feel a whole lot better? According to Davis, admitting how you feel is just half the battle. Taking control of your life is the only way to feel balanced.

When Davis had her first baby, she went from confident and career-driven to vulnerable and inexperienced.  “Suddenly you’re cast in the biggest role of your life and you have no script, no director and no supporting cast,” she says. “It’s just you, trying to figure it all out.”

But that didn’t stop Davis from having more babies. With four kids under four (you thought you had it rough?) she knew she needed a new approach. “I started to look at motherhood as my former employer Ely Lily [the global pharmaceutical giant] had approached me as a new-hire,” she recalls. “I didn’t know a thing about pharmaceuticals when I started, but after six weeks of scientific training they put me through rigorous professional development until I was an expert.”

After enrolling in every parenting class she could find, and building up her self-confidence, she started organizing small seminars where moms would gather and share best practices. Inspiring Moms was born. What these women were in need of, she found, was someone to tell them what to do and how to do it – in an empowering and non-condescending way.

Still wondering how all of this will help you balance your life? Well, just a few years ago, Davis’ company launched the balance MAP, an online tool designed to offer personalized advice and best practices for mothers. It starts with a 15-minute, confidential online questionnaire based on how you feel about your life today and how you’d like your life to be. The MAP looks at five key areas that Davis says are the balls every mom juggles: personal wellness, partner relationships, parenting skills, support networks, and home and family management. Your responses are fed into an algorithm (developed by Davis’ husband) that spits out a 60-page action plan specific to your values and priorities.

Davis’ fundamental belief is that if you don’t take care of yourself, you probably won’t be very good at taking care take care of your children. The MAP gives you an excuse to put yourself first in small, practical and manageable ways. And by doing so, you’ll feel more in control of your life and happier in your role as mom.

I don’t know about you, but I think it’s worth a shot.

First published in Mommyish.com

Professor Neil Nevitte was on leave from his teaching position at Harvard University and had been spending some time on his home-turf in the United Kingdom, when he decided that he was tired of the bad weather and needed a break. “I walked into a travel agency and said I wanted to go somewhere warm that wasn’t touristy,” he recalls. “I was told that a European-style hotel had just opened up in Gambia, West Africa and that there was one flight there per week.” Nevitte booked a two-week vacation and found himself checking-in to this hotel a few days later.

“I had just arrived and was standing by the hotel bar when a guy approached and tapped me on the shoulder,” he says. “It was a fellow who had worked three-offices down from me at Harvard and he was working for the United Nations on a municipal elections project in neighbouring Senegal.”

That was in 1984. “I was given the opportunity to help out on his project and found myself quite critical of the way things were being done,” Nevitte says. A number of years passed before the same colleague approached Nevitte again and said, “If you’re so smart, come figure out how to do things better in Guyana.”

This began Nevitte’s involvement in transitional elections, an experience which spans more than two decades. To date, Nevitte has been involved in 38 elections around the globe—from Kenya to Cambodia to Ecuador and El Salvador—providing technical advice to international organizations and domestic NGOs on the prevention and detection of election fraud and on the conditions for free and fair elections.

He was initially critical of the methodologies being used in international election observation strategies and started to think about how these problems could be fixed. “The conclusion I came to was that election observation in transitional democracies is best conducted by non-partisan, domestic groups, rather than international observers,” he explains.

Nevitte’s team helps show local groups how to conduct election observations. “When we get on the plane and go home, these domestic groups are still there, so it’s important that they know how to conduct this process,” he says. “These groups often set up collaborations and become more involved in projects that aim to move democracy forward.” Nevitte’s job is to provide a bridge between international donors supporting these projects and the domestic groups carrying them out. His team writes the software needed to analyze data as it comes in, and shows domestic groups how to set up databases and recruit and train observers.

Upcoming election projects in Columbia and Malawi will involve enhancing the participation of marginalized groups—indigenous peoples, women and youth—in the political mainstream.

One of his most positive election experiences was in El Salvador in 2008 and 2009, where his team knew the result of the election two-and-a-half hours after the polling stations were closed and were within 0.01% of the official vote.  “In that county we were fortunate to be working with a strong organization with a good reputation based out of the University of Central America in San Salvador,” he says. The collaborative relationship with this Catholic Church-supported organization made recruiting domestic observers much easier. It also helped that El Salvador is a small country and the communications logistics were relatively straightforward.

Other elections have been more challenging. “Often, you have a combination of political unrest, physical barriers, and a lack of communications resources, coupled with intense corruption, all working against you,” he says. “It can be discouraging.”

For example, in Indonesia, where Nevitte worked on elections in 1999 and 2004, there are 17,000 islands, five time zones, multiple languages, and regions so remote that they have no cell phone infrastructure and require satellite telephones and radio networks belonging to mining companies for communication.

When he’s not working on the ground in post-conflict regions, Nevitte works as co-investigator of the Canadian Federal Election Study, currently looking at successive minority governments and citizens’ response to them.

He brings his research and fieldwork experience to the classroom where he loves engaging with his “bright, energetic students.” Nevitte says he often comes across real- life examples in his work that challenge traditional assumptions. “I often bring these examples into my Research Methods class to help ground my discussions in world events.”

Through his work as Principal Investigator of the World Values Survey, Nevitte also examines how Canadian’s priorities have shifted over the past 25 years and the consequences of this for the political world. He works as an advisor to a number of PhD students who are studying Canada’s widening generational gap and its effects on the political system.

His passion (aside from academia) is ocean sailing. At sea for two weeks at a time, often once per season, Nevitte finds the opportunity to truly unwind. “One time we were sailing through the Caribbean and had just come through a squall when we found ourselves surrounded by dolphins,” he recalls. “It was incredible.”

First published on the University of Toronto: Department of Political Science website